raya fear

i hav a bad habit.
i choose my frens.
n those i wud giler with.

it leaves me w one fear.

nt having a raya hangout during raya aidilfitri.

every yr wen ramadhan comes, a fear comes to me.
will i be invited to keluar raya w frens.
or jz allow raya to pass me by, like how other bulan hijrah pass by.

gd news is, i hav 17days off during raya.
none of dem, i'll be on standby. (so i wun be called back. weeheee)
n another 10days, half-days (considering i'm workin onli 14hrs/day)
a senior asked for a whole wk off(including sum exchanges of shifts)
melampau. haha.

told mum, i wanna a low-key tis yr.
its the maaf-in dat matters.

i wanna meet 'guest' n personally sae sorry to him.
it bothers me, dat he hates me. n i dunt noe him.
hmms.

aniways, ramadhan is v v v near.
i wud realli try nt to be so ON during my duty.
it wud b veri ironic for a medic to faint. lol.

why

never do i believe in replying to hate msgs.
for years, i have my fair share of enemies n spammers.
ppl hu juz dont get along w my attitude.
bt i'll make tis hate msg an exception.

whoever you are,
obviously you hate me for some reason.
i'll juz write down some facts aite.

1) I dont have contact to any sirs, or enciks for the past three wks. so how to angkat?
2) I dont see any reason to sabo. I dont hate nobody at camp.
3) I dont go to camp last wk. Where i go, check ur sources first.
4)The computer you are using is a family pc, powered by singnet. No credit card transaction was done over the internet, hence i cant trace who exactly are you.
5) None of my ns friends know about my blog. Anyone who are connected are either Dz, Eyn, Hilmi, Asri, Fiqah, or friends of them.

You went on and on expressing ur hatred for me. I'll not reply to ur childish old-skwel swears. I believe everything has a reason that happens. Right now, i am asking.

Why are you doing this?
What do you get in swearing?

For months, i dont really have time for friends and family, ns took alot of my time. I suppose you hated me, and what happen in ns has nothing to do with it. If there's something that you aint happy, why even bother reading this blog.
I could just delete my shoutbox, avoiding whats really going on. But i wont. Because you deserve to be heard. You hate me for a reason that i totally dont know. My friends are few, none knows what happened. So right now, i'm listening.

Why are you doing this?

random

My body and mind are tired living in surroundings that works in clockwork. A mind should be allowed to expand and explore imagination, to develop ideas and dreams. It shouldnt think solutions to problems and stress that just never ends.

My ideal life involves me having a consensual and pleasant commitment in studies, exploring new places and time with the family. It should only involve little, if not no commitment in working. But of course, if i would work, it should only involve taking full advantage of my abilities and background. It shouldnt be me committing in selling someone's idea and me having high gains.

Soon, i will end my silence from the surroundings. When the day comes, i will live my ideal life. Insya'allah, family and individual happiness would follow.

There is a theory that i am observing from my surroundings. A senior sales trainer once tell me, the easiest group are the richest to handle. They dont talk much. It is usually the middle class who would talk and talk. Find 100 Billionaires, 100 Multi-Millionaires and another Just-Reached Millionaires. It would be easier to write a list on the Just-Reached Millionaires, becuase they are more popular. How are they popular, they talk more. Not surprisingly, its the Just Reached Millionaires that talks more. And most of the 'talkers', wants you to follow their advice, related or unrelated somehow would give back to them. Imagine this.

A millionaire has 1000 students. He profits $1000 from each student. And he raises the mood of all his students to give more, and talk and talk that they will be millionaires like him too. Theoritically, if each student has another 1000 students, that means, the next generation has to be 1,000,000. Ever heard a talker becoming a multi-millionaire? Hmms.

reflections after a wk

life has slowly turning civilian.
i have training 8am to 5pm everyday.
meet the gf for a great dinner after dat.
n i have more tym to read on my study notes.

i do noe wads going to be my vocation.
but after 5wks, i'm uncertain abt my time commitment.
i dont noe wich unit or shift i'm allocated to.
i also unsure if i shud declare i'm taking my final exams nxt yr.
or i cud jz wait another yr.
it isnt a problem niwae. just a thought wich i going to leave for nxt yr.

tis vocation jz reminded me of my past cca at skwel.
wen i wud assist in sound management.
run here run there. fast but professional.
where problems cud be anythg. n u hav protocols to follow.

hmms.

here's my catchphrase.

"sir, i'm pte azeez from scdf. i'm here to assist you in any way i can until we send you to the nearest hospital"
chey. hahaha.

life

friday marks a day dat i'll pass out.
i'm sure hq has their reasons why i'm nt selected.
oc explained. hq hav selected every ns boy, which vocations dey wud go n all.
dey alreadi selected before we even had our enlistment.
honestly, it make me feel intimidated.
knowing, i wan to be sumone, which my cousins or friends had.
so yeah, it sucks.

gf started werking.
near siglap centre.
i'll pray she'll be happy working there n fulfill her desires once there.
she chose a manual-driving path, n i'll support her.
just dont stop. :)

the cuzzin had approached me abt biz.
hmms.
if onli i cn share w him sum ideas i had.
i hav to be disciplined.
i'll show him once my research is done. amin.

graduation

yey! graduated.
nt much pixs, 'cuz of camp.
but hey. i'm glad i out.

pop in 2wks.

aiming for a life-saving vocation.

"Sir, Sir, are you OKay??"
going to sae dat line more often in 8wks time.

maybe i nid a new blogskin.

anyway, peeps n friends yg terlupa,
my vocation trng after pop is a 8-5 ting.
so i wud be free everyday in 2 wks. wooohooo.

disappointment slapped me real bad.
there was a selfish reason why i aint chosen.
one wk i had to go counselling.

i'll jz quote some of his words.

'if you're facing past problems/fears nw, it isnt a problem, but an opportunity given by current situations to face ur problems/fears to be a better man'

'let say you have 100problems/fears, you have to die2 face 20, its going to be hell now, but in the future hell wouldnt be that worse as before'

so yeah. it sux.